Disappointment.

Money doesn't matter, right? I am desperately trying to remind myself of that everyday. Every Hour of everyday. Every Minute. I feel like my heart is breaking just a little bit.

Doug and I have this investment from his horrible tenure at Winco Foods. He is now working for Wells Fargo and has a new IRA that we can start investing into any time we want. So that we can get rid of some debts, we have decided to wait a year to invest, and then once we are on more solid ground, we are going to invest heavily in our future.

Here's the situation: Doug and I made lots of mistakes when we first struck out on our own. We didn't always pull together financially, so when one of us had extra money- it wasn't always spent wisely. Then there was the school bills, medical bills, and jobs that just didn't pay enough or job lay-offs. Basically each year that we lived in Moscow cost us more money than we made in one way or another. We are sitting on some debt. We both just got our portfolio of credit from a credit protection program. Yeah. Bad News. It's really bad when they show the gradient of credit scores and up at the top is "highest" and down at the bottom is says "Lowest" guess where our dots were. I think we were lower than Lowest. Okay maybe not THAT bad- but we both are still in the "HIGH RISK" category. Luckily a few months of getting a few certain bills paid off will help our scores and soon we will be only in the "Moderate Risk" category. *sigh*

So why am I so disappointed? Doug is right. There is this certain filly- I know you all remember my Sweet Talla. If not- here she is! The darling girl herself:

Well, my lovely friends who own her have been so willing to work with me on helping me to buy her- payments etc. I am going to be going back up there to see my friend's newborn baby. My car has a tow package- it would be so wonderful if I could rent a horse trailer and bring her home with me. I wanted to find some free or cheap pasture and keep her there while making a couple hundred dollars worth of payments each month to my friends.

Doug said absolutely not. He's right. We shouldn't rack up more debt than we already have. And what would I do if she got hurt? Be in debt even more to the vet. I just love this little filly. I was her dam's friend the summer I worked at the ranch. I was there and helped the day we collected her sire's semen to inseminate her dam. I was there for a little of her dam's pregnancy. I just missed the birth because I had just given birth myself! This little girl has amazing bloodlines and it would be the first step towards realizing my dream of having a horse ranch. Her grandsire is worth over a million dollars. Like I said- she has amazing bloodlines.

But I can't do it without Doug's okay. It just wouldn't be right. And he has said "NO" very firmly about this. He wants me to have my horse when it's the right time.

So I sit here in mild despair. I know it's silly, buy I love that horse and I can see in her a true start to a lifetime dream.

So I am trying not to be emotional around Doug. I don't want to put this family in worse financial hardship and I don't want to strain our relationship because I "forced" him to go along with what I want. In a way I feel like a spoiled brat who didn't get what she wanted. But at the same time I was so close to starting my dream that I have had since I was about six. I don't know. I know there will "be others" that I can buy but they just aren't the same as one that you help breed yourself. And none will ever be the very first progeny out of her sire ever again. She is it. She is special in so many ways. Sure- there is a foal that will be born this spring that is the exact same bloodlines. It might be a colt. Or it might not survive. I have seen two full blooded sister-mares that while they had similar features, one was almost stallion like- big and bold- and the other was almost delicate of feature. Who knows. Perhaps Talla- my graceful sweet Tala- is the delicate one, and all the other foals out of this pairing will be the bigger boned? This isn't likely- but what if nothing ever comes of the pairing that even compares with Tala? Both her sire and dam are beautiful. Her sire is absolutely stunning.

I made an Outpost.

If you haven't gotten MaryJane's Outpost book yet, scurry over to Amazon.com and buy yourself a copy for $19.80 or go to MaryJane's Website and order one for $30. Why the price difference? The one you get from MaryJane is autographed! How cool is that?
So after reading this gorgeous book, I felt like living inside all summer was just about going to kill me. I went out garage sale-ing yesterday with the intent not to buy something to make an outpost, but rather to find bookshelves and a dresser for Nora. Garage Sale after Garage Sale was disappointing. Everything was astronomically expensive and while I saw a few cool items- there was no way I was going to blow my whole $20 budget on one item. Nope. Not gonna do it.

I am sure there were some really great ones out there, but I was limited by only going to the ones that I could find. I still am only comfortable with about half of Billings. And the side street are a mystery to me. I had forgotten my computer so I couldn't mapquest them and I didn't have a city map.

So I see one that I know where it is, and it advertises that it is a day care going out of business- Lots of kid Items! YES! Sweet! Hold on Nora! Here we go!

So the first thing I notice when we get there is not the kid's toys, or the power tools, but a free standing hammock for sale for...$8!!!! The ONLY thing that is wrong with it is that it has some rips in the top fabric. I am a farmgirl! I can fix that!! So my next thought is...How am I going to get it home? Sure enough, it folds up and even come apart into 4 pieces!

So once Nora and I get home after buying her a temporary dresser and a few toys, I set up my new hammock. But it was missing something... So I stung a cross line to my clothes line, stringing up a spare sheet and this is what resulted!







Isn't it great?! I even ran an extension cord out so I could talk with my friends on the MaryJane's Farm Chat Forum

Moving to Billings

Wow, I must say- Moving is horrible. It's hard. It's dirty. It's emotional. It's also way to easy to find OTHER things to do when you should be pulling our reams of packing tape and bundles of boxes. My parents are driving all the way up from Wyoming to help me pack and move closer back home. I have amazing parents. They are always there for me when I need them. I can't wait to see them again.

I am more than a little embarrassed by the dirt in my apartment. We aren't dirty people, but once you start moving furniture around you learn where your housekeeping skills have been lacking. Yikes. Note to self- move furniture around at least once a month from now on. I never want to see dust/fur bunnies that big ever again. Yikes.

Dear Husband is a bit emotional. It's trying. I'm not going to get to see him for 5 days and he is being grumpy about all the little decisions that have to be made. I am seriously not going to haul a broken down old entertainment center that is heavier than sin all the way to Montana, then haul it up at least one flight of stairs just for him to realize that it is junk and we don't need it after all. But tell him we need to break it down and dump it? Eeee.

I thought I had a pretty good pile of boxes for packing until I started using them. Now I realize I should put out the call for people to stop taking boxes to recycling...I need them all!

Now it is getting late enough in the game that I just want to trash most everything left.

My heart is sad for the friends I am leaving behind. I am going to miss them ever so much. There has to be a cheaper way for me to come back and visit!! Husband needs to hurry up and win the lottery! LOL

But the good news is that we had lots of good friends in Billings. We are very blessed to have family friends that will live only a few miles away, college friends, and a branch of my church. I feel better about moving to Billings than I ever did about moving to Idaho. We are going home. Finally!

My Warm Heart Dolls

I love making my AWarmHeart Dolls, and each one is becoming prettier than the last!

The first two that you see in this slide show, the blonde with violete eyes, and the following brunette are up for sale at www.awarmheart.com

Please don't get me wrong...

And this post is just about a gut reaction I am having to a situation. I am not trying to say anyone is right or wrong...


But....

Every time I read a news article about the whole debacle with the FLDS polygamy sect in Texas, my stomach turns and I want to cry. The thought of all of 465 kids being ripped away from their moms and put into the foster system- including new born babies! Oh it just makes me want to cry.

I guess kids under 12 months get to stay in protective care with their moms, but in a confusing couple of new stories, there was information about new born children being taken a way.

I feel like no matter where you stand on this issue, the women and children are true victims. I suspect the confusing stories that have been given to the DFS of Texas workers is partially because many of those women probably suffer from Stockholm Syndrome.

Personally, as far as I can tell, if the women and children are separated from them men then there can be no more supposed forced marriages or teen pregnancies from this point forward....So why can't the women and children be together?

In my opinion taking a child from a mother who has done nothing to it (what could a mom do to a newborn while they are both in protective custody?!) is cruel and unusual punishment. I can't imagine losing a single day with my child, and certainly not their first month!

I hope everyone comes through this safe and sound and without any emotional scars.

Like I said before- I am not trying to express an opinion as to who is right or wrong. But my heart aches for those suffering in this situation. Please keep them in your thoughts.

So quickly you fall behind

Have you ever noticed how quickly- and how easy it is to fall behind in your daily life? Nora has been sick for about 5 days, 3 very bad and the last two have been mostly recovery. For the last couple of weeks I have been working really hard on getting and keeping the house clean. Trying to get it to the point where the though of random visitors won't make me break out in a cold sweat. I was doing really good too!

But somehow, with Nora waking up in the middle of the night with fevers and me fretting over her in the day time- I have managed to let the house reach epic proportions again. How does one family create such a mess in just 5 days? Seriously! It can't all just be Nora and I!

Oh yes, and then there is the search for the missing camera equipment. My transfer cable is missing as are a few other items. Nora- learn to talk so you can tell mommy where you stashed her transfer cord...please?

The Renaissance Fair is here in town. I always love the Ren Fair. I think I will miss it when we move. Nora and I went yesterday to spend some time with a young friend who was there waiting for her family to get back into town. The Chinese School was doing fund raising by painting your name or whatever you wanted in Caligraphy. I got "Dragon" and all three of our names done. It is pretty cool! I even managed to get them home without smearing the ink or wrinkling the paper. Then Nora found my purse this morning and managed to wrinkle them. Oh well. Maybe I can Iron the wrinkles out of the paper. I will just have to make sure the iron doesn't have any water in it!

I will get back into the saddle later today or tomorrow and catch up on my farmgirl blog-a-thon posts.

Hey! And if you have any ideas for future posts, please let me know! I am working on some yummy recipes for using MaryJane's Chill-Over powder so stay tuned! How does Chocolate Silk and Lemon Mousse Pie sound? Yummy!

Farmgirl Blog-A-Thon- In the Garden

Tina who has the beautiful GardenGoose blog is running the farmgirl blog-a-thon that I have been posting about. She is such a sweet Farmgirl!

This week we are talking about "In The Garden"

Right now I am gardenless but only until this summer. We are moving and this summer I am going to share a garden with my mom.

Last year I created a garden from a weed infested strip of land while I was 8 months pregnant! it felt so good to be creating something that would nourish us with a little life inside of me. Sky -Dog of course was my constant companion. I think she was the favorite thing I grew in the garden:

I actually had just filled that pot with water so she could drink and she decided her feet were too toasty warm! So cute! I just HAD to get a picture!

Gardens are an amazing way to reconnect with nature- even if all you have is one little tomato plant. When I go out and pluck out all those weed seedlings it is almost as if I am plucking away every irritation that bothers me in daily life. It's a zen moment for me for sure.

I also feel amazingly strong and independent each time I harvest a tomato or carrot or anything from my garden. It feels wonderful to be able to eat the food at the peak of freshness- not some pale imitation of food that was harvested much to early just so it doesn't spoil in transit.


I love the ladies over at the MaryJanesFarm Chat Forum. They always have an answer to any gardening questions that might come up. They originally showed me the light when it comes to lasagna gardening! What a great tip to keep weeds down, amend your soil, and help conserve moisture! The most basic explanation is a layering of compost-able materials to a depth that prohibits weed growth. The layers slowly decompose so you have to continue to add more. This works great with raised beds, but can be done without raised beds as well. There are several fantastic books out there and many websites. And of course the experienced ladies on the forum!

Last year my apartment managers decided to re-roof our complex and the roofer ran over my garden- finishing off my lettuce well before time. Even though- I got plenty of peas, carrots, and tomatoes- when I had the chance to harvest!

I am so looking forward to the garden this summer. I already can envision it in my head and I can almost taste that very first tomato already!